I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
