There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Randomize
