I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
