Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
