On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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