I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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