it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
