I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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