Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
