He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
