I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
