May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
