I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
