There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
