Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize