I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
