Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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