Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Randomize
