Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
