Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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