Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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