that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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