nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
