that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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