Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
