Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i will never coherently bang her
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
