he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
