girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
