Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
