What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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