for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I need moral support for this bender
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize