I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
