I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
