I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
