you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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