Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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