Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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