Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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