NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
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