so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
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I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
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Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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