Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you guys were way drunker than both of me
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
