Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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