So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
