dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
