I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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