She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
