You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
