If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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