It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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