I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Did you just see the Batmobile???
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
