You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
