WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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