I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
