happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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