This is not my ceiling
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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