and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
