I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
