So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
