As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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