I hate all girls vehemently.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Randomize
