you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
