Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
