I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
