At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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