dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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