everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
