I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
