somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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