I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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