You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
