It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
